Off To China

And we're off.  

Got to the airport this morning, and I almost lost it with the ticket agent when he confirmed we were flying to China.  Yes we are.  And I'm trying not to think about it.

While I have no doubts about this process to bring a little girl into our family, I'd be lying if I didn't say I had real anxiety about this.  I don't like leaving my boys ever.  EVER.  And we have to leave them for 2 weeks.  They were completely fine last night getting settled in at grandparents' houses (they really do live an amazing life with their grandparents).  But it was very hard on this momma's heart to leave them.  Especially when Tanner said he wanted to go to China with us.  (The previous night Brooks told Kyle that he was going to cry like he has the worst boo-boo ouch when we left.)  

The tears have come easily in the past two days.  The unknown of what's ahead, leaving my boys, a crazy travel schedule, flights home with a baby who will just be getting to know us.  So much.  And when I'm just consumed by the emotions (most of which I can't even assign a word to), I think of what this will be like for Claire. To leave everything she has ever known.  To go to a completely different country, to hear a language she doesn't understand, to have 3 crazy brothers and 2 wild dogs.  She will go through a trauma.  And since she is only 14 months old we just don't know how it will manifest.  And while I know this process this journey is so big - so much bigger than me - there are times that I think about just the moment.  Just the day.  Overwhelming.

And then when I think that the tears are going to flow and I just can't control it, we talk to one of our kids on the phone and they throw out something crazy.  Brooks this morning - thinks he has convinced Papa to finally let him get the harbor seal he has been asking for all.summer.long.  Yes he is convinced we need a harbor seal.  Why don't we start small - like a goldfish - first?  That little guy makes me laugh.  

He asked us a few weeks ago - 

Do harbor seals have to go potty?  

Yeah buddy - they do.

Aw man.  Well can I still get one?  I can still keep it in my room.

(I guess he thinks he's been so successful potty training Tanner that he's up for the challenge.)